maybe you should quit your day job, kobe

hello fans. i'm back again, after a two month hiatus. been tryin' to ball till i fall, but that hasn't been working so well, so i've returned to trivial blogging. (click that link. i promise you won't regret it.)

this evening i was watching tv (no surprise there) and happened upon a pretty entertaining commercial. i don't really know anything about guitar hero (alejandro just recently informed me that it is not the same as rock band with fewer instruments. who knew?), but i do know that professional athletes are role models, so i strive to emulate them whenever possible. and since it has come to my knowledge that kobe bryant, a-rod, tony hawk, and michael phelps all play guitar hero together, i'm totally going to buy whatever system this game runs on... (that might be a lie, since i'd rather spend the money on food and shoes. also, i don't know which system guitar hero runs on, but who's counting?)

anyway, for your viewing pleasure, an encore presentation:



my first observation was "michael phelps, the world's most socially challenged 14-time olympic gold medalist, strikes again with this uncomfortably awkward performance."

just because i think it's funny, here's michael phelps as triangular dolphish with a robotic heart and flippers for feet. you can't see his robotic heart, but it only beats like 10 times a minute.





















my second observation was "kobe bryant is exceptionally good at guitar hero. also, why isn't he wearing boxers like everyone else?"

i asked, and once again, youtube answered:



what did i learn from kobe today?

1. hannah montana and high school musical are not like old time rock and roll.

2. it's all about the "slide and pop," which comes naturally to kobe when he's drunk.

3. and most importantly, you can't trash talk and be the alpha dog on the basketball court if you're wearing chonies in a commercial. that's just not going down.

can you imagine what the conversation on the set of this commercial was like?

a-rod walks in wearing chonies and hoping that his lips don't look blue on camera.

tony hawk rolls by on his skateboard wearing chonies and wondering how he ended up in this commercial.

michael phelps flops in on his flipper feet wearing chonies and looking like wallace from 'wallace and gromit.'

everybody assembles in their spots, and then kobe strolls in wearing basketball shorts.

director: kobe, where are your chonies?

kobe: that's just not going down.

a-rod, tony and michael look at each other and think "f**k... i should have thought of that."