what DOES happen in vegas?

let's suppose, hypothetically, you've just had a hellish work week, your roommate and tons of your friends have gone to reunions, and your house reeks of hay and pee, thanks to the apparently deranged bunny you are babysitting.

you decide to spend your weekend:

a) sleeping in and resting

b) catching up on all the work you should have done during the week

c) drinking 6 dollar mondavi special reserve label wine (it is the only red wine in your house) and watching free movies from on demand

d) crashing your good friend eric's trip to vegas

let's say you choose d. excellent choice!

you search for a plane ticket, only to discover that flights to vegas are all over 300 dollars. you remain inexplicably convinced that the price will drop, and decide to wait it out.

fares do not drop.

the wednesay before your trip, you bite the bullet and buy a saturday to sunday ticket. it is only 200 dollars, but it leaves at 6 a.m. you decide to sleep on the plane.

on saturday morning, you wake up at 4 a.m., snooze three times, and finally leave the house at 4:40 a.m. you arrive at the gate just in time to board. you find your middle seat, three rows from the back of the plane, and look at the guy in the window seat.

he is:

a) adorable and friendly

b) preventing you from sleeping with his annoyingly loud music that you can hear, even though your own ipod is on

c) kind of smelly

d) completely unmemorable

i'll give you a hint: a is the wrong answer.

you arrive in las vegas at 7:30 a.m. and get lost trying to find the taxi line, but finally catch a cab. on the way to the hotel, the driver asks if you are still in school. you respond, "no, i graduated from college two years ago." with alarming incredulity, the cab driver says "really?! college?! if i had to guess, i'd say you look 18, maybe 19." fantastic.

you arrive at the hotel and wake up eric. good morning, sunshine! off to bouchon for breakfast!

you order:

a) almond brioche and a strawberry croissant

b) chicken and chive waffles

c) soft shelled crab over spinach

d) all of the above.

do i really need to answer this one?

you go back to the room and pass out unil 1:30 p.m. in the afternoon, you watch the cavs-magic game, try your hand at blackjack, and win the opportunity to force vish to drink at a later time playing indian poker. (for the record, you have not cashed in on this prize.)

you also get carded:

a) once

b) twice

c) three times

d) four times times (and twice at the same blackjack table)

you decide to start taping your ID to your forehead, for the sake of convenience.

you go to reserve a table at pure, and are instructed to arrive early because they:

a) might run out of drinks

b) plan on closing early

c) are throwing a party for vegas magazine (maybe you've heard of it?) and expect a lot of celebrities will be there. like, a LOT.

d) don't take table reservations

you eat dinner and walk back to pure. there are no celebrities. the dj says aaron rodgers is in the house, but you are dubious.

at the neighboring table, you meet:

a) a bachellorette with a particular fondness for tall asian men with beginner "game" named eric

b) other 18 year olds with fake IDs

c) the wasted friend of a bachelorette who uses table corners to cushion her falls

d) only a and c

over the course of the night, you learn how to pose like a tiger and accidentally drink flat tonic water because you think it is plain water. you also teach ali how to dance to lady gaga's poker face (skip 3:25).

some time after 3 a.m. you're about to pass out in the club, but manage walk back to the hotel. you then completely miss eric's subtle hints that you might actually be hungry and should leave the room.

sunday morning arrives, and after one final meal (complete with free coors light beer cozies and keychains) you bid las vegas a fond farewell.

you resolve to:

a) stop wearing sunscreen so you'll age faster

b) plan your bachellorette party at pure now, just in case they're having another celebrity event

c) return to vegas, but only after you've mastered all of lady gaga's moves

d) all of the above