"okay, i stopped at the hoegarden"

so eric is in town this weekend (yay!), and last night i joined him and his friends for dinner in the city. rob suggested Sotto Mare/Gigi's Oysteria, which ended up being the best decision of the night... well, aside from parking in the "Downtown Chinatown Garage."

i knew we were in for a good time when, after a 30 minute wait, we sat down at the bar and were give dinner menus and a dessert menu. perhaps because it was neon green, or perhaps because i love sweets, i decided to check out the dessert menu first. unfortunately, despite the fact that "Dessert Menu" was printed prominently at the top of the page, it turned out not to be a menu at all, but rather a lengthy apology that the owner, due to his gout and diabetes, could no longer serve desserts to his guests in good conscience. basically, "desserts are bad for me, and by the way, they're bad for you, too." i guess he realized that some of us are masochistic, though, because he suggested seven other north beach bakeries where one could get her fill of fat and sugar... after dinner.

then came the oyster ordering. i'm a big fan of raw oysters, so i was actually pretty excited for this one. last father's day i told my dad that as a gift, i would DRIVE him to the oyster farm so that he COULD buy oysters (it's all about your tone of voice, kids). anyway, i asked the waitress what kind of oysters they were, and the exchange that ensued went roughly as follows:

waitress: oh, they're from the bay, tomales bay, up by marin county.
me: right, okay. but like... what kind are they?
waitress: well, they're you know, just fresh out of the bay, tomales bay, right here. (points in no particular direction)
me: yes. great. um... but what variety are they? are they like atlantics?
waitress: um... i don't understand. they're from the bay.
eric: oh, well, you know... what do they taste like? like size, brine?
waitress: oh. well, they're about medium sized (moving her hands in the shape of a ball). they're from the bay.
me: oh okay. FANTASTIC.

Needless to say, the oysters were, in fact, fantastic. but then, they were from the bay, so how could they not be? **as a side note, if you ever want oysters in northern california, you really can't beat the hog island oyster farm. amazing medium sized oysters from the bay.

and the shining moment of the evening came when the waitress started going down the row to take our drink orders. ali ordered a beer right before me, but because i was trying not to turn an unnatural shade of red, i asked for a water. the waitress then got called away to do something else. when she returned, she simply stated, "okay, so i stopped at the hoegarden," only i heard "okay, so i stopped at the hoe garden," and for some reason thought that she was calling me a slut because i ordered boring water... kind of like "boo, you whore." i mentioned this to the group and was offered "slut waters" for the rest of the evening.

of course, also high on the list was when we went back to the garage to move our cars before it closed at 11, and the garage owner simply said "oh, you can stay past 11 for 5 more dollars. i'll just give you the key to the garage. just be sure to leave it on this desk when you leave." un-fucking-real.