don't take this the wrong way

i've been trying to get rid of clutter lately, so about a week ago i started going through all my clothes looking for things that i could donate to goodwill. i'm a huge pack rat, so it's not surprising that the amount of crap i accumulated in college far exceeds the capacity of my room -- or my house, for that matter; there are still boxes in my garage that i shipped home after graduation. as a result, many a free t-shirt will be getting ye ole' axe.

which brings me to the one item that stopped me in my dresser-clearing tracks -- my faded, navy blue, "gay? fine by me." shirt.

when i was in college, i kept this shirt in my fencing locker, which means that i actually got a lot of wear out of it. ** it's a men's medium, so it was kind of uncomfortable under my jacket, but by and large, the shirt was well worn.

and, of course, it asserts a truth -- gay? fine by me.

however , i have yet to wear this shirt since coming back home for two reasons. first, i have way too many t-shirts and insufficient opportunities to wear them. i primarily wear t-shirts to the gym, and i've been terrible about working out over the past few months. so after proper laundering, the most recently worn shirt inevitably ends up at the top of the drawer, and is therefore the first thing i grab the next time i go to the gym. you see, then, how it happens that i tend to rotate through the same two or three shirts, neglecting those which were so unlucky as to end up at the bottom of the pile, like "gay? fine by me."

my second reason (and here is where it gets sticky), involves my motivation for going to the gym. one reason i've been terrible about going to the gym recently is because i stopped seeing this cute guy there. he used to go on mondays and wednesdays, usually around 7:00pm... not that i was keeping track or anything. anyway, the point is that i made a very conscious effort to go to the gym on those days, largely on the off chance that i'd see him. i haven't seen him there in a long time, but every time I go the gym, i'm semi-hoping that he'll be there.***

you see, then, how an over-sized t-shirt that may or may not imply that I'm a lesbian would not be the ideal piece of clothing in this situation. yes, i realize that this defeats the entire purpose of the shirt. in a tolerant world, people wouldn't assume that because i don't have a problem with homosexuality and wear a shirt to declare this publicly, that this also means i'm attracted to women... but we live in an imperfect world, and i want the hot boy at the gym to notice me.

for both of these reasons (okay, okay... mostly because of the second reason), i'm going to donate my "gay? fine by me." shirt. it doesn't mean that i don't still believe in the words. it just means i'm lonely and desperate.

** the jadwin gym staff washed one "hook" of laundry per athlete at the end of every day, so i wore the same shirts and shorts over and over again. i know, we were spoiled. but when you think about how your clothes were getting dumped in with everyone else's sweaty stuff... like... maybe the whole football team's under armour... the idea is less appealing. it didn't stop me, because a whole week's worth of fencing clothes is a lot of laundry, but it honestly wasn't as glamorous as it sounds.

*** after he stopped coming, i heard through the grapevine that he's actually abusive, i.e. he hit his old girlfriend. obviously, this is a huge turn off, and i'm no longer interested in actually meeting or speaking with him. but it's nice to look.